My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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