I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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