i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
