I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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