That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
