i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
