were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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