i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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