Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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