Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay