I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
