I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
