Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.