im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
