We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.