A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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