Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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