Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
