life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
