he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
