You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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