Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
