she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
