He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
