He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
