Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
