please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
