I wish I could punch you in the face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
