I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
