Too much gin, very little bucket
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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