Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
