all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
