please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
