it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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