DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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