It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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