She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
