nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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