Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
