Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
