Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
4 words: hood of his car
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
