i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
