i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
