Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
sex in a hospital.. check
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
