Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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