I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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