Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
