I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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