forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
