Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize