Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
