Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
