Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
