oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
