Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
