Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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