super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
