Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
