Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
