Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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