talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
