I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
