boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
