Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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