So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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