Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
