went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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