Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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