Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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