I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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