I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
