$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
