please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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