so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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