do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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