omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
