Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
