she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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